i awoke feeling fresh. i received the message that this would be a day of miracles. an unexpected offer led me to a rare opportunity; one word was spoken that compelled me to say yes to it: Integration. this word, this action, was what i had been needing most of all.
from the start of the year, i had surrendered a relationship that was more than 5 years long, the place i had been living in all that time, the job, the city, the friends, the orchestra i played with; everything my life contained i drained so that i could heed the call to serve Divine Purpose. spent months challenged, clearing patterns, cocooned, blessed, building awareness, passing the tests, surrendering, swimming in the ocean. and after all of this another twist of timing to land me back in Houston within one week of making the decision. as i transitioned i was struck with a reality that was more dense, less sensitive & faced with all i had left behind.
in this month of my return, i felt strong: things were forming, coordinating, coming together. and then, i made choices that damaged the inner state i achieved. i felt like i had fallen from a great height & been beaten, in so much pain i began this meditation practice to re-energize my luminous body. the tumult of this entire year has shaken me to the core; when i heard the word Integration, i felt my entire lifeforce pull in that direction, wanting desperately to solidify all that has become of myself in 2010.
i was gifted to be in the presence of a living enlightened master today. a woman from the south with monk short hair sat and spoke directly, simply. her words echoed the teachings i am filled with, the names of non-physical beings i trust, the thoughts & spontaneous realizations i have been having and resolving questions i have been wanting the answers to. i feel like a crumb of the conundrum of how to move forward was dropped in my lap. escalating elation knowing any second it can happen, i can activate that latent Me, experience that whole, fulfilled being that I Am in the physical body. i am so close i can taste the sweetness of it on my tongue.
psychic union pose was done during dinner break with 3 others. all our crowns faced each other in a circle. i sang the mantra aloud for the first time. my body was shaking with energy. meditating together increased the power of the practice. i felt ease & escalation of energy, a wonderful enhancement to the overall tone of the evening.
i was given the message to gift Guru Grace Love with my necklace. it is my favorite necklace of a butterfly wing housed in glass & sterling silver. the colors are unlike any colors i have ever seen in a butterfly: iridescent orange, gold, magenta & blue. i was reluctant - my mind said "but it's my favorite necklace! isn't there something else in my bag i can give her?". and i understood that part of me that wanted to hold on was holding me back, in every way. i felt the fear of parting with something i so dearly wanted to keep. i told myself i could buy another one. but i understood that this was a test: would i hold on to something after understanding it keeps me away from exactly that which i am wanting? would i willingly give up a symbol of transformation (butterfly) to be the living embodiment?
i approached her and i thanked her for reminding me that it was easy. i told her that i was called to give her this necklace, which was a favorite of mine. she held the necklace between her hands as i put my palms together to regard her with closed eyes. i then felt her put the necklace back on me. she said she could enjoy it more when she saw it on me, that giving away what you want will allow you to have it. i had seen this event happen in my mind's eye. i dismissed it as wishful thinking and when she gave it back from her blessed hands i abounded with happiness! when i let go, it returned, even more vibrant & beautiful then when i gave it away.
gratitude reverberating in my consciousness. the words thank you, i love you repeating themselves as the faces of all those who ever touched my life pass behind my eyes. i love you & thank you all.
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