today was a day of giving. hours spent in holding space, listening & spontaneously channeling for someone. the flow of energy merging with my field - i forgot how good it feels to raise in pure space transmitting special messages & touch transmissions. she cried & imbibed all that was given, penned down the words leaving my lips while my mind, so present moment, hardly had any memory to hold all that came. i shared as i felt it, saw it, translated to words the communications. there was a grounded, peaceful air about the room when the connection ceased, a strong silence punctuated with the tick tock of the clock as we breathed.
arrived home to hours long conversation on the phone. it was an assessment of the year: reviewing, understanding, clarifying, putting each piece in its place, perceiving where everything stands. no promises or decisions made, but a survey of the interior. how to proceed knowing moment to moment things change? but, it felt good to share despite craving resolution.
the kriya today was uncomfortable; the left leg on top half lotus pain was dull but consistent. i sent breath & effort to release tension in many different areas of my body (shoulders, arms, thighs). i felt myself charging up shivering from electric jolts. i asked to burn burn burn karma, so that this next part of my life can be smoother, that i can face people clearly without wanting to cling or question my motives. purity of connection, purity of words, to sustain the inner peace that has been laid out within from the work of recent days.
George Winston's solo piano album Autumn filling the room. 36 degrees and bare legs, zipped up fleece & pink pashmina. i stay up late sometimes just because. there is a sweetbitter stillness like dark chocolate in these late hours. i feel alert somehow, aware of a tone that seems to feed me as i try to fill my wakefulness with some meaning. but sometimes it's just enough to bear witness to the night that no one knows, here in my small room with the garden outside the windows. the flowers & herbs maintain their beauty & bounty in this cold, gently tough through the ups & downs of weather. just like me, i think to myself. just like me.
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