Saturday, December 11, 2010

day 30: bound lotus


when i finally nestled under the sheets after 40 waking hours, i opened my eyes after only 8. the banging of a hammer greeted my day, as did stepping out of dreams where i woke up resentful of what someone did, as if it was real.

i moved slowly into the morning. something in my vertebrae sparked, a nerve pinch in the oddest place. Joy came with her healing hands. the energy enfolded me and i felt myself go to the place i go when i am healing: a place that feels weightless, spacious, mindless. i allowed myself to be engulfed, on the floor in child's pose riding the intensity. afterward, we ate together & then drifted into our own afternoons.

i held a tiny hen in my hands that was pecking around a neighbor's lawn. they make the most unique sounds, bubbling clucking bird purrs! the man looked like a character - the old eccentric guy that has a story & tells it to you every time he sees you, the sits outside a lot & waves to people sort of folk. i was happy to meet him & the chickens. i plan i to bring him veggies sometime soon.

the air felt so good this evening, enjoyed the stars, the balanced temperature, the company. and food filled: mango kombucha, seaweed, french fries & fried cookies with ice cream - an unusual combo! but each delicious. the dinner talk was mild & mostly of the past. he mentioned how tonight i seemed more open than previously, and i agreed. i confessed that i used to be concerned with maintaining an image, something i could hide behind in the event that i might not be lovable. recent times have aborted my attempts to be out of alignment with authenticity. the heart is not where i started from, it's where i am coming back to.

meditation at the end of the night - a warm & cozy wrap up of the day, folded over & releasing the all & every, a psychic bath of presence & silence. happy to meet the sheets so soon again & to rest deeply.

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