meditation today felt different, as if i wasn't trying hard enough. it felt empty somehow, although i still shivered from energy rushes and came out of it clearer, the duration of it was struggling to shake away strange visions & unimportant pending chores. i felt like my body was a rag wringing itself of dirty water, limbs locked to squeeze the stains out. i had the sense that i need to be more brave.
my hair has been unwashed for days now, deep black sheen & heavy with oil. it looks luscious & healthy. the house is awkward with imbalance: arguments, broken bones, fragmented perspectives. the insanity is moving through. i send blessings through the ceiling. the cats come sometimes to my door at night; i pet their silky coats with an even hand.
i played the flute for someone over the phone after offering a prayer of love to the world. the tones were soothe and she said it calmed her, she felt lifted. it felt good to give.
i hear rain pelting the garden i did not water today; she is fed regardless. magenta pink & lime green are showing up in my world, flashing in small corners as i walk by. my heart sensitive all day, continuing to steep in solitude. there is beauty in these hushed times, like a fertilizer for later things to come.
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