on the eve

a day of feeling the space within & without.

the winter holidays have the effect of changing the air pressure of the city; reduced density of bodies which are traveled to other states or remote locations. for those who remain, there is a settling that comes upon, even if just a little. the ease can be felt everywhere, as if there is more air. the city herself sighs relief as each of us transitions into festive mode. so many places on the planet at once tuning into celebration, togetherness, love. it makes the weekdays feel like weekends.

there are hints everywhere, reasons to pause & smile: string lights on trees & holiday themes on lawns & in windows, clementines, dressing up for parties, red bows on fenders, ice skating, chestnuts, the smell of spruce trees, spending time on what to give someone that will make them smile.

and even with all the shopping & getting ready & cooking & travels there is a stillness that penetrates all. it is subtle, softening all moods & activities. just the way snow does when it falls. this is what i love most about Christmas.

on Christmas Eve, Daivi plucked me from bed with texts of possible activities. we ate together: she made a fresh drink with spinach, rice milk, banana, maca & an organic smoothie mix. then some oil in the pan with potatoes, zuccini, tempeh, quinoa & red pepper. homemade ghee on ezikiel toast. my tummy was grateful. and we were both flowing on the moon cycle, shedding with her in these waning days. felt the push/pull of activity/sitting & Being. we decided to mix them together to venture out into the gray evening to find some nature to Be in with what was left of the sunlight.

at Hermann Park, we walked & found a spot between 3 trees to sit and meditate beside a lake with a giant tree covered in herons. as i went into the meditation, the voice guiding the process became indistinct blending with bird sounds airplane engines overhead blowing wind. i felt myself melt into the environment. even as i was aware of the rain drops on my skin it was slow going to respond. what i felt was not a return to my senses but a coming back to my separateness from everything. despite contracting back into the body, i maintained connection & expansion as i took care of the physical needs of the moment.

something about getting rained on is always sensual, daring. the sky glowed orange from street lamps & thick cloudcover as we gathered out things & walked out into eerily lit night, laughing gleefully back to the car. As we passed the parkinglot letters, we called out the same words, so in tune: D - Divine! C - Consciousness! B - Brahman!

inspired late night to make presents for the host family. a bracelet from stones in my collection for host mama, a hand dyed cotton scarf in progress for host dad and guided to gift an awesome book on practical meditations for the son. it feels good to create, to give.