i heard a story on the radio of a girl who has a disorder characterized by unconditional trust, hearing about her approaching strangers as loved ones, getting into an unknown car, holding hands with anyone. i wondered what life could be like so open. i recalled times of diving in blind trust; even if the results were mixed, it still felt good to be open, willing. discernment is certainly a skill we never truly learn until we make mistakes. and even then.
Ma Daivi's birthday was a crowded house, high quality food, live piano & singing tunes together, dancing, surrounded by the upbeat energy of being with one another to celebrate, again. i slept somewhere else for the night, covered in handmade quilts. sleep was short & filled with visions of desires, sorrow for the wants that will never fruit and remembering underneath: "i want to be Free, Free, Free; Ananda, Ananda, Ananda"
i feel like my understanding of reality is evaporating. not that what i knew was wrong, but it did not contain the whole truth. to fit in the broader view, space is being made. the space feels like loss at times, a stretched nothingness. the waves of this experience crest & fall from feeling heavier than tired & wanting to withdraw to feeling lighthearted & enjoying simple things.
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=126224885
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