my new life has sprung forth from a broken commitment. having picked up and moved on, there was a void for a small span, a formless place from which springs all creation. my challenge was in allowing a vision to come. the seed determines all that follows, that which will grow. this time/space has allowed me to work with this energy directly, to choose what destiny to follow, find & recognize the inspiration & do what it takes to conjure the dream awake.
i created a commitment to meditate everyday, to write everyday. this commitment allowed the fruition of outcomes not possible without crossing that boundary of decision. committing to this everyday has produced thoughts/insights and strings of words together that would not exist without that structure. compulsions that seemed unavoidable are now nearly extinct. peace is settling into my body, into my life, there is more space for it now. this practice has allowed me to touch others, sharing in ways that i have not before. it has relieved a tendency to feel apart. it has produced a power that i am aware of, that i can focus my attention in any direction and yield results. and there are many aspects of this practice that i am still becoming aware of.
in a recurring vision, i saw myself being given a bansuri by an archangel. i was gifted the skill to play it and was given specific instructions on how to use it. i would see this scene in my head time & again, it seemed to be a wonderful musing. in meeting with a friend last week, she told me how she had a vision of playing a harp, that an angel would be with the harp & that she was getting a harp for Christmas because of this inspiration. i was shocked by the similarities of our vision. i shared with her mine & she asked when i would get a bansuri. i was totally stunned. i never once even had the thought to make a move on this vision. i simply let it come & play in my head over & over, never a notion that it could be brought to reality. "not many people daydream about playing a bansuri!". the shift for me was to take action without desire fueling it. i did not grow up wanting to play a flute; it is as random as me saying i wanted to be baker all my life. i have never turned in that direction. and yet, the vision called.
bridging that inspiration to manifestation, i had my first lesson today, of all places, in a church. there was an Aum sign on the wall with nothing else in the room but the light from the windows. we took two blankets and set them on the floor to sit crosslegged for our session. the teacher was so open, airy - light presence, languid manner. i could produce sound instantly, had the right posture, held the note steady for over 10 seconds, it was a match. the one correction that came more than once was to relax. arms, shoulders, hands. loosen, drop, allow. bansuri is the Tai Chi of instruments: the breath is long, even, the instrument near weightless & fingers faintly upon it. almost like doing nothing at all. we took time out to breathe, stretch fingers. i felt myself much the way i do in meditation: expanded, without thought, sheer.
i have been meditating without praying, and the message came to me: pray more, ask more. this another recurring message more than a decade in knocking on the door of my consciousness. what to ask for? but i only want one thing. it's why we're all here. to raise. to love all the time. to Realize.
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