life, life, life!

this moon marooned me in a place where the multitude of my faults
came whispering their songs from hidden corridors, little black chunks
of coal coming out to pass through my consciousness:

"no one would miss me or even notice i'm gone, i don't matter"

"i don't do enough, i'm so vain, i'm frustrated i am not more: more successful, more loving, more helpful, doing more..."

thick tears and deeply i knew the voices weren't true,
but these places called out for the remedy. to be seen,
heard, touched. Exalted.

✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦

equinox morning dance evolution: exchanged seasons, moved the spring deep into cells where the winter had already fainted. i danced those shadows weary, unlocked the gratitude with hips & fingers & neck & knees, praying with my body for the promises of the new year to be made manifest, to coax the energy to raise, to fill formless sketches of my imagination-desire into tangible reality. moved the blessings all around the Earth & through humankind with intention, that all of us feel awakened in the new strength & length of the days forward from this point, to thrust into the next quarter of 2011 illuminated with hope.

✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦

Sunday was a summer day, so hot on skin i drove with one hand, the other behind my head with the elbow pointing up. i dressed like i did in Hawai'i & got tanned thru the windshield. i bought raw food bars & dehydrated kale & raw crackers & medjool dates & almond butter to dip them in & blueberries & oranges to go lay in the park under a giant tree & bask in the space of nature.

✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦

i feel the pulse in my womb, my body making so many requests
aching pink wanting to tide the spring with someone. and
i feel this, compassionately, as its agony wanes with hours.
i understand.

even she knows but goes through the motions with a slight hope
her wiles will be quenched, the tugs of biological destiny a force
not to go unnoticed. but we do not fight. we gaze into each other
and make agreements to create together, in harmony, to use this
powerful, delicious cosmic sensuality for the benefit of others,
somehow. to lay a path & let the intensity race through that channel,
singing life, life, life!

day 35: psychic union pose

today was a day going backwards. this body is fresh but holds the past so closely, closer than what is happening now. i realize reality is nothing but a field of old cycles playing out in forms of fresh faces & places, but underneath is a current of familiar, a variation on a theme. the only way out is up.

the first in a series of clearing sessions on the warmest December day. an energetic bath penetrating all directions of time. allowing the impressions & energy to rise, pass. sometimes pain, sometimes tears, sometimes nothing. memories from other lives lifting into my awareness, shocking revelations & insight as to why things are as they be today.

after hours, i felt light, energized. spaces were opened, cleared. happily ate & went over the session with a friend who has been through the same. ran a bath of baking soda & sea salt. i fell asleep in the overwarm water, limbs folded & twisted womb style as the small candles flickered at the corners of the tub.i felt dizzy, dragged myself to the meditation room & fell asleep again surrounded by angels, plants, rocks. the sensation of cooking off old modes of unforgiveness & resentment, traumas & misperceptions. a tumultuous sleep living though the releases, grateful they are moving from their hiding places, evaporating at the speed of my willingness.