//pattern breaking|\

in ReWire Solo Body Work,

we were acquainted with the black marley floor

which doubled as a minefield, attempting to truly

embody freestyle by freeing our bodies from

habitual movement by way of chaos:

chaos of intention:

there is a thought of movement. perform the movement but stop it before it completes. do this at a steady pace.

i notice something in the brain that freezes. feels stuck. a certain

stiffness & a wanting to rebel against non-flow unable to discharge

energy into the patterns the body is used to feels frustrating. and also,

creative.

chaos of idea:

finish a movement but make the next unlikely, an action unrelated to the one that precedes it.

we look like malfunctioning machinery. yet there is a distinct grace,

an intelligence i see moving through staccato limbs & spontaneous

weight shifts. it feels like we are doing something important, together.

communicating a language that has truth in it, with daring boldness

to attempt to speak it.

the perfect solo: a 45 second free dance as you are observed by another who will choose 3 patterns that emerge from your solo. you are informed of the three patterns and instantly you must perform another 45 second dance without any of those 3 motions.

during this work, someone said: "i can't move. i can't move!"

a tight bind the mind could not escape so quickly, could not resort

to the maneuvers it was used to that she didn't even know she had.

a freedom moment.

my 3: movement initiated from shoulders. downward gaze. limbs making right angles.

stunned to hear the feedback as these pattern motions were not in my awareness. i was delighted to hear of them. i also wondered how to move without bending my legs at right angles.

feeling the lights on my face feeling neck bent upward. difficulty originating movement from a place other than my shoulders/upper chest. deliberate choices. delving into straighter or more curved limbs. playing with planes with momentum to continuously transit & transition, even when i decided to slow down.

there is a vocabulary, a composition which the improvisation lays upon, layers

of language in endless synthesis & tempo, each stroke bearing an energetic signature

underneath, unique with the taste of the one who moves, their mark undeniably

witnessed in the form of choices; it can be none other than She that moves that

way she moves. i want to freestyle write the way i freestyle dance:

creating fresh flow, a new pathway to travel electrically ~

my most favorite thing: to put side by side words unlikely

creates momentum! a velocity of feeling that may jolt

spine or eject giggle!

recently, words have been held back, diverted or

absent as the focus of present moments consumes

contemplative creative combinations of consonants & vowels,

the chronicling of occurrences/extract exalt of lived moments

left undone.

i'm feeling the void.

i'm seeing the white of lined pages simply lined, unfilled in.

the white COMPOSE box blank more than black angles & curves

of letters filling potent space with the intensity of how i experience living.

there are words spoken & words unspoken; taking the role as deliverer of perspective

in personal exchanges with a wisdom aware of when to sit a bit in the mystery,

to let silence speak long pauses.

the sun is, again, the center of things.

i moved so slowly this week, an aching heavy tired to endure with bright days

bearing down, thrusting thermometers to triple digits. my body unwilling to move

faster than the speed of something swallowed. and suddenly energized as the blaze

moves down to invite nights of mild air to breathe & soothing breezes upon skin.

the journey of waking up & moving through the day is a tumult of sensations:

feeling good but tired, hot but not complaining, yoga, dance & ensemble improv

alongside laying awake unmoving, napping in the noon. sweating through clothes

and eating cold coconut ice cream, healing work & mindless random enjoyment.

everyday is a tension of opposites that seem to pull upon me as i negotiate the balance

between them, focused more on the field they create in the center space, feeling

held fast by the gravity of their interplay.

i have been learning to ignite the fire inside,

focused in the navel.

some days it feels so difficult.

but people are in need. my life needs me.

it's a lot like that feeling of needing to find something

quickly in a messy room with piles, the frantic digging

searching. this is me inside me seeking to find the flame.

i find two sticks instead & rub them together. must make

the energy, generate it. friction heat, to sparks, to burst

of light.

it has been working.

such a push through these

thick times of embers.

i feel the assurance of anchors, a root down

into a confidence place, success manifest through

right action in right timing

like i'm finally learning

how to live,

a moving work of art,

a real dancer.

(thank you to Leslie Scates & Nina Martin for Ensemble Thinking/ReWire Solo Body Work)

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