underneath everything, i feel i am not truly understood;
this is a huge part of why i push to communicate, to reveal
those places, show them, dig in myself to surface the hidden
within me that aches with the need to be acknowledged.
it is important to be whole, to be seen as whole, to be
wholly understood.
i discovered a current of pain that persisted despite
friends that are loving & accepting & unusual themselves.
the poison wringing out like water from a washcloth, squeezed
away. i am seeing within me the weaknesses, releasing them
to tide with who I truly am.
the past 3 days were an effort to feel good, but thankfully, i had
awareness. it is all passing slowly, steadily. focused on spiritually
working, organizing & lining up with the right timing. i consistently
feel the rightness of things, and this is very helpful.
the days are thickening with humid air & seeping summer tones.
this early morning is birds sounding across the part of sky i can
see from my windows, diffused sunlight refracted by cloud cover
with sturdy jasmine effusing invisible clouds of its euphoric aroma.
even as things shift & change, there are comforts like these that
hold a reference point i can rely on, the goodness of life that peers
through times of instability, transition & uncertainty. i am grateful for
the mornings in Houston. grateful for words. grateful for time to get it right.
as the moon draws near full, the unresolved comes unstoppably careening
to the fore! part of the natural cycle of accumulation/cleansing.
the aforementioned was not a criticism of who i spend time with but simply
that who i am is a massive infinite daily revelation, and i truly believe, now,
that some people are just not designed that way.
and a deep part of me wants so much to be relatable, to share it all & give
something that is meaningful, that makes sense, that illuminates a part of me
to light a part of someone else.
despite what inner excavations are taking place, i am blessed to know
how to have fun & to have people to enjoy it with!
